This Is Where We Are.

These are my 4th Grader’s new Vans. These aren’t the shoe laces they came with, though. I had to replace them because our puppy chewed the ends off one of them.

When she realized they were glow-in-the-dark laces, she said, “But what if we are on lock down? The shooter will see me. What should I do?”

I was shocked. A feeling of extreme sadness came over me, but I didn’t show it.

Instead, we figured out a few ways we could hide her shoelaces if there was an active shooter at her school. We made a plan.

I asked her if she wanted me to get different ones, and she said no - they would be okay.

She seemed to get over the initial fear, and then she moved on.

Just like most of us. We have moved on. Accepted the reality.

Her reaction shocked me.

But I guess it shouldn’t have.

I had never really thought about how scary it is for kids to have to worry about an active shooter in their school.

And how truly terrifying it is for them to actually practice it - go through the drill, figure out what they will do and where they will hide if that ever were to happen.

I assured her that she was safe at school, and her teachers would protect her, and she should listen to the adults if anything bad happened.

I love her school.

I know she feels safe there.

I am sure she is in good hands.

But I couldn’t shake that moment, or rather, how I felt in that moment. 

A few days later, she woke up in the morning, crying.

I thought she had a nightmare. Told her I was here for her. Told her it was okay. She said, “I’m sad because of pollution, and because soon we aren’t going to have an earth.”

So I guess it was worse than a nightmare.

Every day it seems, another animal is nearing extinction, there’s garbage in the oceans, turtles are dying because of plastic straws, the birds are vanishing. We hear about these things all the time. But kids are listening, too.

So, of course they want to do their part to help. And we are so proud of them for being good recyclers, and reminding us to bring our reusable straws with us. 

But maybe part of the reason they are environmentally responsible is because they know they have to be. 

They are actually scared not to be! They know we all have to do something about it.

And, once again, I didn’t realize how much it weighed on her. That is pretty scary stuff to process as an adult, never mind a 9 year-old!

I don't remember much about being nine, but it should be wonderful, and fun and carefree.  

Elementary school is hard work. In fourth grade, kids at our school get letter grades for the first time.

But Elementary school can be stressful for kids, and my daughter is no exception.

She wonders if the friend she had yesterday will still be her friend today.

She wants to be better reader, and be faster on her timed math tests.

She thinks about what t-shirt she’s going to wear, and where she is going to sit in class.

She’s working really hard to be quieter in class, and not goof off as much.

Typical kid stuff.

But she’s also worried about the environment.

She’s worried about pollution.

She’s worried about lockdowns.

She’s worried about active shooters in her school.

I’m going to do all I can to help her not to worry about these grown-up things, and shield her more, and talk about it more, and I’m doing my best to make her feel more at ease.

But I’m worried, too.

About all of it.

And more.

A lot more. 🖤